 Perhaps one of the most common struggles for the newly, and sometimes long, diagnosed Mutliple, is the matter of coming to terms with their Inside Community. (IC) It is not a rare phenomenon for this Dissociative DIS- order to become known because of what is termed, " lost time" This is where the person who usually deals with life at home, at school, at work or socially, starts to realize that for some reason they cannot account for certain periods of time. The absence of being co- aware of what is going on in that "lost time" has to be one of the MOST frightening, confusing and disorienting things there is. Not knowing what has been done, said, seen, visited etc. whether it be for a few moments, several hours, days or sometimes even years. This matter of mutual awareness may or may not be present INSIDE between the parts/alters, as well as between the host and his or her others. People use different names for those in their IC. Some use alters, or parts. Others call them insiders or entitities but all refer to "other" parts of themselves whom they might hear speaking inside their head. This distinguishing fact where voices are NOT coming from an outside source such as the wall or radio etc, presents the difference between a Multiple and someone who is psychotic. A mistake often made by attending physicians or therapists who are not familiar with DID and who quickly slap on the label of Schizophrenia or Bi Polar and misdiagnose followed by mismedicating their client. This is not to say that someone in the IC might not have a psychotic episode but if they are "out", hearing voices, those they hear will not be those of fellow alters, but come from OUTSIDE the body and such a one would need to remain out to ingest any medication that would stop the auditory hallucinations. (see my article, Medication and DID) Being told that fragmentation of the mind is the means of survival it is, usually in the face of extreme and prolonged abuse, most assuredly would not help a person to feel they have found an answer to their skeptical questioning the presence of an IC. In my opinion, it would ADD to their frustrations and feelings of helplessness and vulnerability. Trying to put myself in their shoes, it feels like trying to feel ones way, not as a blind man tapping his way in a world of light, but a SEEING man groping in a world of darkness. I think the latter is more frightening and probably why it is so hard to acknowledge or accept one might be the habitat for an Inside Community with others who have an existence of their own, seemingly seperate yet sharing the same body. In my privilege of being acquainted with MANY Inside Communities as varied as there are Outside communities, the idea of having simple or complex structures inhabited by alter personalities, parts, insiders, whatever name is used, creates more often than not, a disbelief equal to that shown by the majority of the Mental Health Establishment for the diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder ( DID) listed in the DSM IV. Talking with a friend recently,I asked them if they wished to get to know an inside helper who has been askng me to help them become acquainted because of the sometimes dangerous circumstances that arise where the awareness of his presence might help in avoiding potentially harmful,if not fatal results. This barrier between host and IC is one therapists working with DID addresses from the beginning of treatment seeking to obtain what is known as Co-Consciousness - in other words, the mutual awareness of eachother to the extent that whoever is "Out", does not hinder those who are not from hearing and seeing what is occurring in the outisde world. "Lost" time is exactly that, to the Mutliple who loses it. It is literally time in which whatever happens during it is lost to him or her. So the question, " Should someone who has been diagnosed with DID, seek to get to know their IC ?" is a complex one. The attitude and reactions to this question range from an adament "NO", to, " I don't know what I would have done/do without my insiders" Thus, emotions felt towards the occupants of the IC fill the spectrum from complete denial, hate, fear, resentment, skepticism, acceptance, acknowledgement,liking, appreciation, gratitude, to feelings of love. Someone told me not so long ago how comforting and supportive it felt to have their Inside family all working together in the healing process. The total opposite to another friend who wishes they would simply disappear and asking, "How do I get rid of them?" One thing that needs to be understood is that whatever is believed or disbelieved about insiders, that whatever happens to them happens to the body, so to "get rid" of anyone would result in affecting the body with whatever means is used. Talking with parts who try to kill the host because they want to "run the show and let people see who is in control around here" are difficult to help to grasp the fact that if they kill the body THEY will also die. I have gone many a round with inside boys and girls, men and women who scoff at this truth. So I ask them to prove to me they will remain unhurt, by simply stepping out of the body they are planning to hang, stab, drug or create some other scenario to achieve death. For those alters who have been taught and trained in cult environments and programmed to punish and /or destroy the body if anyone, host or insiders break the "No Talk" rule that might expose the perpetrators, and that in doing so they will remain alive and wield the power and control, the task of undoing these lies and distortions is formidable, but not impossible. One way to put doubt into those deeply ingrained misperceptions is to suggest they step out of the body and prove to themselves they have been lied to, that they are indeed NOT immune to whatever they do to it. They find that attempting to leave the body is an impossible feat. An insider of a multiple friend who has frequent self-destructive urges has asked me how to keep them all safe. This friend fluctuates between acknowledging he has an IC and denying its existence, yet time and time again, when he has attempted to kill himself, it is the intervention of those very ones who prevent his attempts to succeed. So what are the pros and cons of a connection and relationship between the mutliple and their IC ? I have observed that the more complex the IC structure, in terms of elaborate scenarios or the size of the IC, seems to affect the presence of well formed and high functioning alters. This has nothing to do with the type of abuse or the mentality of the host. All this denotes to me is a long standing need for survival skills to compensate for the effects of sustained and extreme abuse history where repeated daily traumas have been perpetrated. This is not in ANY way mimimizing that ALL abuse is traumatizing and is relative in its effect on the victim, whether it be a one time vicious rape or daily rapes - but in the case of multiplicity where suffering and pain is so severe the mind MUST dissocciate to survive - the more insiders are needed to endure the traumata, the more established they become as individuals with behaviors, traits and characteristics peculiar to themselves and not the host. For example, an artist or paints his first picture for public showing or the pianist who gives his first concert, has not developed his own style to be recognized later as being a Monet or a Rubenstein. But the more they fill their roles the more individualistic they present to onlookers. So it is with insiders during the terrible school of enduring emotional, psychological and physical torture. When the host loses time and switches place with someone from the IC, the therapist recognizes who has come out, if they have been working with the system for a while, by their traits, body langauge and perhaps voice inflection. So very often I ask insiders to put themselves in the place of their host because more often than not THEY can see and hear everything that goes on when the host is up front and they remain inside. So I ask them to ask themselves how THEY would feel if the whole time the host is going about his or her daily life they hadn't a CLUE what was happening. Would they like this and how would it affect them? Few have ever stopped to do this and for adult insiders this can be a way to bring about more understanding of the host's sense of fear, bewilderment and shame when faced with having to pick up on conversations, work, social interactions or family duties having NO idea what has been said or done in the previous minute, hour or day(s). We, as therapists, can also not appreciate the HUGE sense of lostness, terror and constant anxiety for those who have no mutual awareness with their IC. I have to take task with my colleagues who tell their clients, " You are safe now because you are not living with your abusers, not connected to the cult/group now." or " you are surrounded by people who love you" So as far as feeling safe or unsafe, there is always the safety issue that is across the board for everyone. One could get knocked down by a car, have a fatal accident, be in a natural disaster or if in a war zone, get shot dead, or by a random drive by shooting etc etc. But for those whose every moment growing up and into adulthood has been an UNsafe one, overshadowed by abuse and/ or cult, group-connected activities, the feeling of never feeling safe is a skintight garment worn 24/7 that cannot be shed simply by wanting to remove it. No matter HOW many loving people might be around in the home or neighborhood. No matter HOW many miles might lie between the survivor and place of childhood or teen years of abuse. No matter HOW skilled or experienced the therapist who provides a contained and safe ambience in session, there is a PROFOUND difference to being in an outside, perhaps, "safe" environment and LIVING in an UNSAFE all pervading INSIDE mental ambience created from early childhood or by extended periods of severe traumatization of various origins. The IC holds a reflection and sometimes representation of an outside community where abuse was inflicted. The energy, emotions that are felt from the IC when insiders relive their experiences, memories and flashbacks so often flow through the host yet he or she cannot connect with them with any sense of reality. They only know they have feelings of impending doom ( I hear this over and over from different ones) that is terrifying and stress-evoking for there is no locus of origin to explain them. Here, when I am asked what to do, I suggest if there is mutual awareness, co-consiousness, that the host ask in the IC if someone is having a bad time with remembering something past or present that might be causing the feeling. This often produces not only a possible answer but also helps fill in the gaps of blank periods experienced by the host concerning his or her past. Where there is no co-consciousness it is an opening to bring up the topic of the client's wishes regarding wanting to explore their IC or if they would rather not. My personal feeling about whether or not to do something is how I am affected by the point in question. If my dilemma is affecting how I function in the world, in relationships/friendships, with family, if they cause me nightmares or night terrors and are disabling in any way, then perhaps I would need to think about doing some self-examination and discussing it with my therapist. The danger and potential for lasting psychic and emotional hurt and damage lies in the quality of a person's own work of self-exploration, honest examination and understanding and the quality and effectiveness of the therapy they have had, or have, presently. It is difficult to deny the presence of others' activites when, after a period of lost time one discovers the purchase of new clothing that is not to ones personal taste, gadgets, food, (especially if one is allergic to it!) tickets to a sport one does not even like or some other unrecognized object(s). I have suggested when folk have not been able to hear their insiders talking to them that they try writing in a notebook and leave it where it cannot be found if there are family or roommates in the home, and see if someone in the IC responds to any questions asked. This is no different than my writing to a stranger online whom I have never met or seen, but as we continue to exchange thoughts and questions, we learn more about ourselves and eachother - and this is one way the IC can finally become acknowledged. The crux of the dilemma lies in the truth that ALL entities including the host belong to a WHOLE - there is no way to seperate insiders from the host any more than one can seperate thought from mental activity, or try to take off a leg and have it walk away independent of the body. In one way I believe that ALL humans are a form of multiple in that I can experience just as much anger, depression, doubt, distrust, confusion, fear, or, humor, joy, the whole gamut of emotions expressed by insiders except I do not give such feeling demonstrations a name because I have not known the severity of abuse extremes needed to create a dissociative presence to take my place in order for me to keep my sanity and life. Perhaps it is this factor - the point at which dissociation is the ONLY escape from intolerable horror and suffering that distinguishes monos from multiples. Bottom line, perhaps the acknowlegment, acceptance and belief in the Inside Community is in exact correlation to the acknowledgement, acceptance and belief in onesself. This concept applies to all human beings regardless of who or what they or others see themselves to be. The presence of an Inside Community is not a criteria for insanity, craziness or criminality. It is evidence that the human spirit to endure and survive will keep looking for a way to do so. Dissociation is one way, others have, in my mind, self-destructive ways of coping which may take years or moments to effect, such as ingestng drugs or Alcohol, self-harm etc., and all solutions tried have one goal in mind deal with, or avoid, the PAIN. to deal with the LOSS, deal with endless GRIEF, a sense of EMPTINESS that feels impossible to fill. Where DID is concerned whatever decision a person feels is needed and acceptable for them regarding an IC - perhaps it is enough simply to acknowlege that such exists, and go from there. ********************* Goessoftly Retired Therapist http://www.goessoftlyishere.com Permission for reprints is required | Normalizing and Demystifying DID | DID and Littles.(Child/Young Alters) | ISOLATION | Mono's Disbelief | Distortion: Good and Evil | ASPECTS OF BODY CHANGES | Relationships | Across The Board | Across The Board | FORGIVENESS | I am BAD | Headaches | LYING AND DECEPTION | LOST and LOSS | EYES | Controversy. Research projects. | Feeling is Healing | Alone and Aloneness | VICTIM or VICTOR ? | TEARS | Medication and DID | DID Emergency Room/Casualty and Crisis Center Guid | Acknowledging The Inside Community | The NO TALK Rule. 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