 One aspect of the Healing Process, and one could also apply this to the acquisiton of peace and tranquility in all facets of living, is the attainment of Balance. I would like to speak to two ways in which we can seek Balance though there are many, but this site is to do with healing hurt Hurts. 1. BALANCING OUR HEAD AND OUR HEART Those of us in the Mental Health profession learned in our training days that one defense mechanism used to avoid, deny, and rationalize sustained trauma is to Intellectualize. Going into our HEAD. In there, we become our own personal philosopher, an emulation of Solomon with his wisdom, our private Explainer and Authority on the reasons and solutions for dilemmas. The Brain cannot emote. The Brain reasons, analyzes and rationalizes. It can be brilllaintly creative, and is, ( as seen in those with Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID), but it does not FEEL. Our HEART, on the other hand, does nothing but FEEL ! It is the source of Reaction and Impulsiveness, the storage center of all our Emotions. Our Heart knows nothing about Logic and Reason. When dealing with Trauma we find it easy to fall into an unbalanced use of Head and Heart. To avoid more Physical hurt on our Hurts we go to our Heart. To avoid more Emotional pain we run to our Head. How so ? The child whose daily or systematic ration of abuse is phsycial and/or sexual, will comply with the demands of their abuser because its deepest longings are to be loved, accepted, wanted, acknowledged and belong. A child's tender heart is FULL of love and giving to offer their closest caretakers. An innocent vessel filled with the Hope that what will be poured into it will be a mixture of reciprocal love and giving. A little one does not begin to understand that the abuse that fills its life is not a socially accepted way of living. It sees and defines normality through the lens of Abuse. All it wants is to love and feel loved. To accept and feel accepted. These are its deepest basic needs. Hence, when abuse assaults the body, mind and soul, there is continual compliance because the HEART will keep hoping for confirmation of being loved and accepted. If to be beaten, raped or tortured is the way to gain approval, acknowledgement and an expression of love then their big big little heart will keep acceding to the demands of their abuser in hopes of hearing what is longed for and to stop the suffering. Here, the Heart rules to the yielding up of innocence and Self. Life's scales tip into a distorted view of what is needed to attain the deep and core need for love, care and protection from significant others. This may lead to difficulties later in relationships where the search for approval and love is thought to be found in abusiveness. The Heart still controls and the sense of Self continues to be denied its value and place in the world. Conversely, in a trauma-based living, whether abuse is in the home and/or in another setting there has to be a way to counteract the unbelievable fact that deep pain is being inflicted by grownups who should be showing affection and not the opposite. This creates a huge dilemma for the child. What to do? It is here the Head becomes a haven to escape Emotional pain. Reasoning and rationalizing the abuse away and avoiding psychological suffering can be done by concluding that the only explanation has to be the child must be the cause. This self-blame persists over into adulthood and without therapeutic intervention, continues a life time of denial. It is in the Head that explanation reaches the conclusion of, " I am the cause of all the troubles". It is in the Head where the common self-convincing thoughts originate, " If only I had been a better boy/girl this wouldn't have happened; If I had done what I was told to do sooner, or exactly as I was told; If I had listened and paid attention more" etc. etc.. Later in life should the survivor go into therapy, they go as a thinking adult. After a while the Head can grasp and even understand and see the imbalance of power between an abusive adult and a helpless child. The Mind can figure out the child has no recourse but to submit. But where there is NO CONNECTION between the Head and Heart, and the Heart is shut down to feelings, the discovery of the Head remains buried in disblief. The Head might " get it", but the Heart has no conviction that what the Head is saying is true. The sayings are quite common that go, " He/she is all heart", or "She/he thinks too much." A BALANCE is needed, and never more so than in the Healing Process. It is in the working through traumas and dealing with the Hurts, that the Head with its ability to grasp dynamics, cause and effect, and the Heart with its ability to feel, need to connect with equal roles. All Heart will block recognition of the Facts and the extent of Abuse and Abuser(s). All Head, will consign impunity to those who have not only inflicted bodily harm but scarred the mind and soul with unseen wounds and injuries. The Healing Process works to bring Balance between Heart and Head, to tip the scale from illness to health, distortion to clarity, impairment to functionality, denial to acknowledgement, doubt to conviction and all that prevents one from the freedom to be who we are and what we would like to become. 2. LIGHT and DARK. It is a natural consequence when dealing with histories of physical and psychological injury that much is morbid in the telling. In therapy sessions both Client and Therapist can fall into the snare of dwelling only on the horrors of trauma and the negative aspects of inappropriate behavior. To Heal,the reasons for entering therapy need to come to light and will include the sad, the bad and the unbelievable where extremes of abuse or debilitating conditions are revealed, yet Life is not composed ONLY of these. Life is FULL of wonderful, positive and humorous experience. Earth holds much beauty as do the works of artists, musicians, writers, photographers and a myriad other works of Divine and Human creation. When working in a locked facility for severely damaged teenagers and children, I was told by the kids they liked it that we could talk about positive things and joke around as well as talk about the heavy stuff. Adults in my private practice have also mentioned that inclusion of humor and a break in the angst and stress of processing memories helped them find a sense of balance and grounding. Brightness isn't Lightness. Making time to laugh, to appreciate and value the brighter side of Life is not minimizing or making light of suffering. It IS restoring the recognition that dwelling too much on negativity or tragedy can be a real stumbling block to Healing. Living in total darkness leads to blindness. Living in only brilliant sunshine produces a desert. It is the BALANCE of all aspects of our Self , body, mind and spirit that can make the difference between a healthy or unheathly view of self, others and the world. BALANCE is vital - not the least being the ability to be an Adult yet allow the Child in us to play. Goessoftly. Retired Therapist www.goessoftlyishere.com (permission for reprints is required)   | LISTENING | RETRAUMATIZATION | PSYCHOBABBLE 1 | PSYCHOBABBLE 2A | PSYCHOBABBLE 2B | Did You Ever Push MY BUTTONS ! ! | Balance | THE INVISIBLE ONES | WEEDS | RECOGNIZING DISTRESS | COMMUNICATION | INTERVIEW (The lighter side) | INNOCUOUS INTERVIEW ? | The THERAPIST as RISK TAKER | TAINTED | CAN I TRUST YOU? | CAN I TRUST YOU? | CAN I TRUST YOU? | Me According to ME | | THE HEALING PROCESS | DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER | POETRY | Biographical Entries | THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE | STORIES FOR LITTLES (Pigmus and friends) | SEEDLING THOUGHTS TO WATER | | Return Home | Great Links | Sign/View Guestbook | |
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