GODDESS WITH FLAWS Were you so powerless, Mother mine When YOU were a child? That in my young mind burgeoning with Tender sprouts of quick enquiry No curious germinating thought can be allowed. To grow. Entwine. Uproot Or threaten the unstable pedestal On which you stand. But I am not an infant now. And am I (Like some well-trained canine Taught to sit and beg, to whimper on command) Am I, According to the strange vicissitudes Of every mood, To give obedience without question to your wish, So YOU can be assured of your control? I must not fail where you of yore were failed. Those who deserted you so long ago Can incarnate in me a living form To be dependent solely on yourself. You will demand respect, attention, love - Will find them altogether perfect in my mien. And on the altar of my servitude Will sacrifice my vital being, All that is ME. Binding my freedom with your bondages, The need for everything withheld From YOU in youth. Thus shall I grow. Thus shall my intellect or other talents Feed your pride, Accomplish what was smothered in yourself. A non-acknowledgment of who YOU were, Tossed as a sapless leaf Sere-dried by expectation, and Not allowed to green. So, too, in climbing to the top Of forced achievement and erudite wealth I'll find my Mount Excelsior Capped in a glory unapplauded yet, For on its peak I'll only meet your hidden child To quite discover it is YOU, and not Myself acclaimed. And all your praise is not for ME But for the image you desire to see A bright facade, an empty mask. Only a MASK Not ME. Children are to be seen and not heard. Is this, " For my own good?" Shall you not see, shall you not hear,Mother mine? When I would rage - or cry - or voice my hurt and pain, Longing, bitterness and fear. And every torment, every secret shame, All these in silence lie unuttered and unseen Lest they disturb your scab-encrusted soul Tear open, and expose the wound that lies unhealed Beneath, Leaving you hurt. I cannot let you bleed ! And so I laugh and clap my little hands In pale felicity To show my joy and cheer. And you are reassured that all is well. But I have died Inside. Were you so impoverished, Mother mine, When YOU were a child? Ah ! but you gave me gifts and clothes and food, As though some substance money-bought, and waved Like bold advertisement For all to understand Your Mother's duty is fulfilled, Can justify A disillusionary form of Love. "Feed me with food convenient." Oh HOW convenient in absence Of your smile, your voice, your touch To nullify my horror of a dreaded night When creep the shadows on my bedroom wall; Or when, with amaranthine Hope I offer you my child-scrawled poem For your praise; Or when my trusting empty hands Reach for your warm embrace, Only to find a gift, and clothes, and food. Sans kiss, sans comfort, sans understanding heart. Were you so powerless, Mother mine When YOU were a child? So shall I see you now through lucid eyes - An unshrouded goddess. Goddess with flaws, as I rise to Knock in vain upon the bolted door Of your child-censored heart. Thus shall I grow, Quite unaware that I am product of another child. Unswerving replica of tenets held, Chaining my spontaneity Inviable within a pedagogy learned. I do not hold you much to blame. ' Tis not your fault that I, an adult now, Can say with child acceptance freed from grudge, "I love the Mother-goddess of my infant days And see the flaws that do but make you human, And bring you down to me where I can love you more, Goddess with flaws - stepped down off your pedestal." February 1986: from: Tell Us The Reason Why www.goessoftlyishere.com ( No reprints without permission from author)  | Goddess with Flaws | Remembering | ACCEPTANCE | LOOKING FOR ME | CHANGE | My SELF | LAST REQUEST | CON. HUMILIATED | Fugitive Thoughts | A WISH | To a Friend | Teetering | Pain | CHALLENGE | Groundwork; Could Be; Comfort | LOVE THE CHILD | YOU DO NOT KNOW ME | Contemplating Suicide | ON THE COUCH | Can you sit and do NOTHING ? | LOSS ( a friend) | The Emperor and Silence is a Vote | Two Poems | I MISS You,Friend | The Other Side | WHAT WILL THE ANSWER BE ? | One Small Tear | I Wish | | THE HEALING PROCESS | DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER | POETRY | Biographical Entries | THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE | STORIES FOR LITTLES (Pigmus and friends) | SEEDLING THOUGHTS TO WATER | | Return Home | Great Links | Sign/View Guestbook | |
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