 This will be brief because its message needs a short time to read and a life time to remember. A few years ago a message was left on my answering machine. The voice sounded fearful and agitated. When I was able to return the call it was from a friend who is Multiple who was feeling very suicidal and wanting to contact me. Her alter personalities, however, were screaming inside for her to NOT connect with anyone but run and hide. Some time after that, another friend also, DID, emailed to say she and her parts would no longer be emailing or talking to friends or therapist or going to group which she attended regularly. Both these women were fighting what I feel is one of the most insidious and harmful effects on the healing process. Isolation. I commended the friend who had left the message, that inspite of the inside raging chaos she had overridden the voices to reach out to someone who would listen to, and accept, what was happening for her. I replied to the writer of the email with my concerns about Isolating herself and the dangers involved. It was warming to see her gradually allow herself to interact first, with her family, then by email and phone and eventually return to the group. When I see signs of withdrawal from any social contact, a red flag goes up immediately. Because isolation is a real potential for hindering a multiple from social activites, it is good and healthy to try going to places and events where one can blend into the background without being questioned, and the option to talk to someone is always there with no pressure to do so, if it feels uncomfortable or unsafe. Sometimes it is a dilemma to know how one can socialize when there are different ages and interests inside. The thought of being embarrassed by Littles oohing and aahing at a Pooh Bear or Cookie Monster from an adult mouth is often a deterrent to being able to have some fun. Such as going to a party, a concert, movies, flea market, restaurant, etc. The fear of needing to reveal there is an inside community is not a threat when the body is around other adults, but teens and Littles can enjoy what is going on where there are always adults and teens, or adults and children, where they go. It is good to perhaps get together inside and hear what different ones would enjoy, then go over the events, places and activites suitable to an age group. For Littles who LOVE hearing stories read to them, they could go to a Library (which is free) at story reading time, and can enquire where other such readings are held while there. Parents are always with their chidlren at these times and I have sat in listening without a child. So a single adult would not be an odd person out and there is no need to interact unless one wishes to. For teens, there are plenty of social Activities where teens and adults get together so the body would not stand out. Movies, concerts, dances, sports games, etc. Adults can enjoy many of the same things as well as maybe their own special interests, like a museum, window shopping, (have to watch the kids with this), nature walks, (staying with other people around for safety's sake). A visit to the zoo and going in the petting pen is always fun - however some things might be too expensive and cost needs to be a consideration so when discussing options it is good to not bring up something the pocket book cannot cover thus disappointing someone. Again, if eating out is an option, all ages are found in restaurants, cafe's, pizza parlors etc. and I guess if it is possible to get to a Buffet then everyone can choose something! There is a significant difference between taking time alone and isolating onesself. There are times when it is neccessary and I think, vital, if it is possible to do so, to take time and space to be alone. To gather emotional, mental and physical strength for the long haul. To use this time to process memories, insghts, dilemmas, ones secret fears and doubts. In this kind of isolation one can take a look at priorities, the direction one is heading in and ponder options and solutions. This is Beneficial Isolation. The Isolation that is harmful and can lead to fatal conclusions is the one that either gradually or suddenly, results in slow or complete withdrawal from contact with others. Even in the home where there is an outward robotic functioning and minimum interaction with family members, the mind is somewhere else, and those in the home feel shut out and not knowing how to connect. The reaching out of friends is ignored and resisted, going to therapy stops without explanation and more and more, withdrawal into the inner place of torment and darkness snuffs out Hope and despair gathers strength. Often suicidal thoughts become overwhelming. It seems the only safe place to be, is ALONE. This huge PULL to Isolate is common and acts like a magnet for those already depressed and suicidal, especially those without a support system. Perhaps any reader of this who would be willing to share their experience of Isolation and what helped them to come out would sign my Guest Book and comment either privately or for others to read. I have one thought to leave. As survivors, we know that how we live, act and what we do is based on avoiding more Hurt, and Isolation is one way we feel we are protecting ourselves. It is all about PAIN . So the thought I leave is this. There is a REAL DIFFERENCE between the Pain of the getting better in the Healing Process, and the Pain of staying in the old traumas and memories. The former is Progress leading to HEALING and freeing onesself from the chains of whatever binds us to the Past and to being "different". The latter is being STUCK . It is the PAIN of a never ending replay of old messages/tapes, familiar night terrors, obsessive thoughts, and overwhelming emotions. Harmful Isolation KEEPS us in the latter - stuck in the traumas and daily, nightly, re-living memories and flashbacks. Which Pain do we WANT to choose ? What goal are we seeking? These are our Options - >Life with Hope. >Harmful Isolation >Stay Stuck, or Move Forward Having lost friends I loved very much to the Isolation that destroys Life and Hope, may the third option decide for the first. It is from my heart that this short piece end with this plea. DO NOT ISOLATE - KEEP IN TOUCH,CONNECT. Goessoftly Retired therapist www.goessoftlyishere.com (permission for reprints is required)  | Normalizing and Demystifying DID | DID and Littles.(Child/Young Alters) | ISOLATION | Mono's Disbelief | Distortion: Good and Evil | ASPECTS OF BODY CHANGES | Relationships | Across The Board | Across The Board | FORGIVENESS | I am BAD | Headaches | LYING AND DECEPTION | LOST and LOSS | EYES | Controversy. Research projects. | Feeling is Healing | Alone and Aloneness | VICTIM or VICTOR ? | TEARS | Medication and DID | DID Emergency Room/Casualty and Crisis Center Guid | Acknowledging The Inside Community | The NO TALK Rule. Silencing. | | THE HEALING PROCESS | DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER | POETRY | Biographical Entries | THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE | STORIES FOR LITTLES (Pigmus and friends) | SEEDLING THOUGHTS TO WATER | | Return Home | Great Links | Sign/View Guestbook | |
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