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These lines were written as a message from Tammy as I understood her in my many dealings and conversations with her. They are based on the hopes, fears and feelings Tammy expressed, and are the simple expression of what she might have wished to leave with her mother could she have done so. I leave you this - Thru' all the years ahead When time will dim the pain And fade the memory of our days. I love you Mom. Believe me, or believe me not, It's true. And all my hurt, my anger and my stubborn ways, Your hurt, your anger and your desperate days Were neither yours nor mine to blame, But rather, sad fruition of a past long gone. I could not enter where I did not know. You, unaware of much I did not show. I TRIED. ( I really, really tried). I Love you Mom. I leave you this - The words I could not say Because my fear of losing you Was greater than ANY OTHER fear. I ask forgiveness for my Silence. I ask your understanding of My moods, and all you did not see. I ask you HEAR these words That tell the space from whence I come. I love you Mom. We cannot change the past, But in our seperate ways Of seeking help, and life and sanity again, We both were faced With confrontation of the truth - That CHANGE lies squarely On no shoulders but our own. And slowly, oh so slowly, You and I were heading for one gaol. To help ourselves that We could help eachother. You as a mother. I, as a daughter, with choices of her own. I love you Mom. I leave you this - My legacy of thanks For all that kept alive the ONE DESIRE "Let me come Home " That through the conflicts, seperations good and bad. You'll know my love for you, My need for you Is all that kept me fighting for our goal. I love you Mom. I ask you not to grieve In vain regret, Nor take a blame that is not yours to carry. But in a NEW and different Hold on lfe - Take in your heart The Tammy whom you love. NOT LOST in spirit. Not lost, except your cease to strive As I was striving, And I will climb with you Each hour, each step So that one day When strength has come again, (If you do this for me My last request). You will look back - Perhaps with tears. Perhaps with shakey smile. But you WILL say, " I MADE IT FOR US BOTH". And in my gratitude I'll leave you this. " I LOVE YOU MOM ". Tell Us The Reason Why. August 26th 1985 Goessoftly Retired Therapist www.goessoftlyishere.com (Permission for reprints is required)   | Goddess with Flaws | Remembering | ACCEPTANCE | LOOKING FOR ME | CHANGE | My SELF | LAST REQUEST | CON. HUMILIATED | Fugitive Thoughts | A WISH | To a Friend | Teetering | Pain | CHALLENGE | Groundwork; Could Be; Comfort | LOVE THE CHILD | YOU DO NOT KNOW ME | Contemplating Suicide | ON THE COUCH | Can you sit and do NOTHING ? | LOSS ( a friend) | The Emperor and Silence is a Vote | Two Poems | I MISS You,Friend | The Other Side | WHAT WILL THE ANSWER BE ? | One Small Tear | I Wish | | THE HEALING PROCESS | DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER | POETRY | Biographical Entries | THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE | STORIES FOR LITTLES (Pigmus and friends) | SEEDLING THOUGHTS TO WATER | | Return Home | Great Links | Sign/View Guestbook | |
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