MY SELF My emerging self So sentient to environment And interacting forms. Did some unconscious atavistic longing Repudiate its nascent form Striving to be true To past ancestral genes Only to find A human diminution in the Introjects of present life? Ah ! What struggle ! What incipient war o'er castellated ramparts Of the inner ME! How should I grow - Locknit in full cohesion, And go forth with steady triumph Not with hirpling gait? Yet should my growth encounter Stultifying ways Half emerged from chaos in Self-objects known - A lack of mirroring. An absence of someone I can idealize Who purloins unintentionally My vital strength and spontaneity. Leaving no spare emotions, No armature against The fragmentation of my Self. What should I do? There are so many narcissistic needs That seek fulfillment in One's early years, That when refusal of their Strong demands is made, A spectrum of disorders Raise its malcontented head, Cries in a bodiless voice For satiation. Cries in vain. Unlike the snail, who When endangered Can retreat time after time Into protective shell, My Self cannot go BACK, And what is lost and lacking - All that blenches from reality, Strives for coherence, Wholeness. A conquering of my dark abstrusive fears. Hears Life's vociferous cry to BE ! And strains in propulsive effort For an undefective personality. Can I ATTAIN ? Can I be strong ? Strong in defeat ? Uncowed, undaunted, unenfeebled By each tidal wave Against my self-esteem ? Can I remain unmoved, Invulnerable, undamaged, When slighted, spurned, rejected or despaired ? Can I deflect each Narcissistic injury Inflicted by my unreflecting, Unempathic 'loves' ? Self-objects failing to support, And consequently Culling out my aids to Full autonomy. I shall NOT die. Nor even end a sad distorted ME, While in uncritical And blameless frame of mind I shall remain habitue Of indestructible simplicity, And balance all my goals To meet the limit of my own ability. Tell Us The Reason why. A muse on Self Psychology. May 1986 Goessoftly Retired Therapist www.goessoftlyishere.com (Permission for reprints is required)  | Goddess with Flaws | Remembering | ACCEPTANCE | LOOKING FOR ME | CHANGE | My SELF | LAST REQUEST | CON. HUMILIATED | Fugitive Thoughts | A WISH | To a Friend | Teetering | Pain | CHALLENGE | Groundwork; Could Be; Comfort | LOVE THE CHILD | YOU DO NOT KNOW ME | Contemplating Suicide | ON THE COUCH | Can you sit and do NOTHING ? | LOSS ( a friend) | The Emperor and Silence is a Vote | Two Poems | I MISS You,Friend | The Other Side | WHAT WILL THE ANSWER BE ? | One Small Tear | I Wish | | THE HEALING PROCESS | DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER | POETRY | Biographical Entries | THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE | STORIES FOR LITTLES (Pigmus and friends) | SEEDLING THOUGHTS TO WATER | | Return Home | Great Links | Sign/View Guestbook | |
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