ROSES and THISTLES Should there ever be time and energy to write a story I will call it " Roses and Thistles ", and one day I may just do this. I think there have been about four times in my life I have deliberately taken a certain path in life and two of those times I deliberately changed direction, making a conscious choice to do so. The other times simply flowed in transition from where I was to where I went without much or any deliberation on the matter. It is interesting that the two changes of conscious decision were caused by deep emotional pain. A hurting of Hurts that was profoundly felt yet brought a realization of deciding how I would react, and if I wished to rethink where I was and if I wished to stay there. It feels very comforting to be heading once again along the path I left yet needing AGAIN, to be faced with death. This time, however, with the added agonizing fear of losing my mind, bringing me to a screeching halt to take a long hard look at the direction I was heading. In one of my first sessions with a Psychologist he told me that in his mind he saw me in a garden surrounded by flowers, roses in particular, and I have been returning to this picture often of late. As the last chapter is entitled, " Seedling Thoughts to Water" , I have become very aware, very clearly aware, that if I am watering thoughts of Loving Kindness and Good towards all men, there is no place for hurtful word or deed or violent thought of any kind to take root, for there cannot be two things in the exact same spot. Hurtful words and actions and negative reactions WILL come but if they cannot take root they will wither and die. If they are watered they will take root and grow. I so love what Frances H Burnett wrote in her book, "The Secret Garden". I do not know if they are her words as they are witten in italics, but they state: " Where you tend a rose, my lad, A thistle cannot grow". What has happened for me in the last two or three months is that I have seen how I left tending my roses and the thistles grew. Now I am back on track again and need to tend more fully to watering the seedling thoughts of Kindness, Love, Compassion, Forgiveness, Patience, Humility, Gratitude so there will be no room for other thoughts to grow. A garden needs much loving care and much attention for it to become a place of Beauty. It is not that I deny the thistles grew - thistles are too painful to handle to forget the sharpness of their thorns. Oh no, My Bed Musings, my torments and the deepest hurts and memories are very real, but I am wanting roses and not thistles in my garden. So I need to dig around the roses and give them breathing space and room to spread, room for their roots to go deeper, for the sun to reach every petal and draw living sap through every stem, fill every petal with the sweetest scent. It is the tending of the roses that is so important. It is so vital that the thistles are not allowed to stifle, strangle and suffocate the flowering of my roses. Now I can enter in with others in their gardening chores a little better. Understand a little more how difficult it is to reach the root of thistles, to feel the pain of getting stabbed and cut and bleeding in the process of uprooting. Perhaps I can help others see my roses and maybe want theirs too if I can quietly water, weed and give them every space to grow. I need to stay with pulling out the thistles and throw them on the dung heap . There, they can become fertilizer so other blooms will blossom. I need to learn to keep the useful part and let the other go. I do so love Rose Gardens. My friend Lou and I spent time one day, as did Shari, many years before, walking through a Rose garden in two different states. We bent to smell the fragrance, gently touch the petals and marvel at the texture and the rainbow hues. I must confess I gave no thought at all to all the care the gardeners must have put in. Hours of weeding, pruning, and watering to bring us such beauty and share their work. How much I take for granted in others, giving no thought at all to what they bring me and what lies behind the offering. It is a shameful thing. Today as I meditate on this, I am reminded of all the unseen work and toil that draws me to a life in which I sense this unseen labour, who, like myself is trying to tend the roses so the thistles cannot grow. It is not a Polly Anna "everything will come up smelling like roses" attitude, (forgive the pun), because roses that show the wonder of our Maker's handiwork do not just "happen". It is the willingness to get ones hands good and dirty, to deal with painful scratches from the thistles, the thorns that often imbed themselves so deeply the place becomes infected, red and swollen and very painful. It takes time for this to heal so one may go on with the weeding work. It takes time to dig around the roses while uprooting thistles, to supply the fertilizer that will enrich and nourish the plants to bloom. I have been weeding, pruning, watering and dealing with many thistles this past while and now the garden plot feels cleaner, freer of thistles and weeds than it ever was and my soul is at peace. One again with my Creator, feeling and knowing and able to give of his Love unfettered by Man's insisting touch, to grow according to his rule of thumb. "Where you tend a Rose, my lad, A Thistle cannot grow". I LOVE this thought. My heart's desire is to be surrounded with roses. It matters not what those around would say or think or do - if they wish to scorn, to judge, to ignore or dismiss it is not important. What matters is, I water my own seedlings and not try to tend to others'. That I pull out my own thistles, not try to tug at others', and most of all, remember that the Hand that made the rose is the Hand that will teach me best how to keep my garden and make it beautiful. I am so humbly grateful for the Love that that fills my heart and the gentle Hand that guides it. Perhaps THIS time I can quietly keep on keeping on in the path that brings me peace and beauty. This is so much the true wish of my heart. Goessoftly Retired Therapist http://www.goessoftlyishere.com (Persmission for reprints is required)  
| LEGACY OF THE UNBELOVED | CRUMBS FOR THE STARVING | DISINFECTION | BEAUTY | WHY and WHAT | Would You Still Be My friend ? | THE BOTTLE | ROSES and THISTLES | | THE HEALING PROCESS | DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER | POETRY | Biographical Entries | |
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