 There has been much studied, and is still being reasearched, about the phenomenon of Invisibility. There is documentation to support the incidence of people who have literally become invisible to those around them even though they are standing or sitting in close proximity to others. The times of not being seen have not lasted long, and the events as I recollect, have not been a regular occurrence. There is an Invisibility that can only be understood by those who have experienced it. It is a state where the physical form does not disappear from sight as stated above, but the child who grows up in an abusive home or environment knows very well how it is to have people look right through them as though they simply do not exist. I agree with the thought that the worst thing that can be done to someone is to ignore them. Ignoring is the umbrella that covers rejection, abandonment, door-stepping, silencing, humiliation and reducing a child or adult to the place where they feel totally unseen by all around. It is more than saying something and it not being heard, asking, and the request not being understood, reaching out and having the gesture dismissed, looking for help, for solutions, a seeking for validation and receiving no response. The Invisiblilty I am speaking about is the deep conviction that in the eyes, thoughts and consciousness of others one has no place except for the pleasure and will of another. There is no SHRED of assurance or belief that ones Self has any value, any worth, or use other than to fill the wants imposed on one by others. An inanimate object. A puppet that will move only when the strings are pulled. In other words, were there no need for a puppet one might as well not have been born. Having a place in the world as a human being with ones own rights and individuality is not a concept understood by the Invisible Ones. Words such as confidence, self-worth, goodness, value, loveable, needed, intelligent, talented or any attribute with a positive connotation holds absolutely no meaning other than to spell it right if so warrented. To own these as valid descriptions of onesself is perceived as a "never-have-been", "am not now, and "never will be" like that. Assurances that this isn't true are meaningless to the Invisible Ones. They have known nothing else but their invisibility - one cannot envision feeling what one has never experienced. This is the, " I don't exist to others", felt by victims of abuse, the Invisible Ones in the world of exploitation, manipulation and the abuse of Power. It is not a temporary state believed to be a phenomenon where certain energy levels and configurations produce a shield or cloud of invisibilty. Would that it were so. In childhood where abuse creates a deeply ingrained sense of nothingness, and the daily activities routinely exclude any participation from the child, indeed, expression of thought or emotion is expressly forbidden, Invisibility lies as a permanent cloak worn until such time as the illusion is dealt with and worked through. My thought in addressing this subject is that we, as therapists, and especially where our background has not known abuse to this extent, can miss the cues when we are causing our clients to feel invisible again. They can sit right in front of us, talk to us and we talk back, yet feel invisible. How do we do this? For me, it begins the minute I have my own agenda running. The reason being that when this occurs, my focus is really not on my client but how to accomplish what I think needs to be addressed and what I feel is going on. To make my client "see" what I see and what I think he/she should understand. This doorsteps my client. I have mentally shut them outside and left them sitting on the doorstep of Unimportance, while I, from my seat of Knowledge, steer them in the right direction. My arrogance makes me cringe in the writing of this. On further thought, it seems foolish in reality because I have no idea of my client's story and experience apart from what she or he tells me. It is only by allowing my client to voice and emote what is going on for them that I will get the TRUE picture. Anything else is MY imagination, assumption or presumption. And OH, have I been off track so many times in doing this. Not something I am proud of. This silencing of a client whether by running my own plan, not truly listening to the content and underlying emotions of the one seeking help, or talking, (explaining and interpreting)instead of listening, reduces them once more to becoming invisible. Anyone who has sat in the client's chair and experienced this will know what I am talking about. I have, so speak from experience. So what is the antidote? I believe we need to really SEE our client. Not a person sitting in the chair, but the Human Being in our presence who has gathered courage and taken an enormous risk in giving us the privilege of sharing their innermost secrets, fears, desires, placing their very soul in our also very human, hands, and above all, hoping we will HEAR their story as it is for THEM. I think the minute we can SEE them in this light we make the first move to remove their cloak of Invisibility and give them the beginnings of being seen, heard and acknowledged. They find that someone not only can really SEE them but realize what they are saying is being heard as coming from THEM, not what they have been ordered to say, think and feel. This may sound very simplistic and elementary and might feel almost insulting to experienced therapists, yet it is surprising how we can, and do, make our client feel their place in the session is not as important as ours, when, in fact, it is much MORE so. It has been good for me to ask myself honestly - who has been the CENTRAL figure during session. The one MOST visible. My client or me?. Whose thoughts have been the predominent ones, mine or my client's?. Whose agenda is running, and have I even asked my client what they would like to talk about or what is going on for them? Am I more inclined to state what I think needs to be addressed today?. There are so many things to ask myself because where I am the big cheese, (and the cheese should never be bigger than the mouse, don't you agree?), I simply make the mouse disappear and become invisible. I have been amazed, not only to have feedback from my clients about myself but also regarding other therapists with varying degrees of experience and renown, to learn how Invisible they have been made to feel. There is one very important variable that needs to be included and well taken note of. This is, what effect does becoming Visible have on the Invisible One, whose life has been one of hiding and NOT being seen? The picture comes to mind of a deer in the middle of the road at night and caught in the headlights of a car. Freezing in its exposure from the safety of darkness and now surrounded by light with nowhere to hide. In our concern and perhaps over enthusiastic desire for our Invisible Ones to be seen and have them realize they are, the light of revelation can be as paralyzingly blinding as the headlights of a car. The safety of Invisibility in the darkness of abuse's all encompassing shadow has now disappeared and our now visible survivor is transported to a totally foreign land where nothing is familiar. This fear-full situtation needs to be kept in mind through the work of removing the cloak of Invisibility. It should never be flung off without thought of how the client will perceive him/ herself in this new found spotlight. I think as with the deer, the first reaction will be paralysis. It then seeks to bound back into the darkness, just as our clients prefer the safety of the known to the strange and frightening unknown. It is documented that some victims of battery will stay with the batterer and violence rather than leave. The fear of leaving what is familiar however painful is greater than facing alien territory. (A helpful reference for understanding the mind conditioning of the Battered Woman can be read at: www.angelfire.com/in4/sez/pagefourTheWish.html It is understood that what might be helpful and true for some is not necessarily the answer and solution for others) And as one researcher of battered women syndrome thinks and I agree with her, this return to the dark rather than to stay in the light and freedom, has, perhaps, more to do with the CONSEQUENCE of abuse rather than the reason to stay in it for other motives. I believe this premise would also apply to cult-conditioned survivors who return to the cult where the code of silence keeps them invisible. It is the working alliance of therapist and survivor to gradually allow visibility to return. It is never a quick fix phenomenon. To now be SEEN means that all the old terror of, "who I really am, the bad me, the trouble-maker, the cause of others' displeasure" will also be known. How will this affect others now that my "badness" can be SEEN ? Will they suffer, be hurt, will they punish me for coming out of my dark hide away, for daring to step into the light? If we, as therapists, remember this variable we will be cautious about turning the bright glare of headlights on the one who might not experience visibility as being as beneficial as we do. There needs to gradual adjustment to the change. Again, Balance comes into play. Balancing the increase of Visibility in correlation with the decrease of long held fears around self-image, self- worth, self-confidence. This is not a one or two session process. As written above, the ability of the therapist to SEE the client as a Human Being, fragile in emotional and psychological vulnerability and strong as steel in survival skills there can be a careful work of shoring up the fragile places. There can also be an exchange of survival skills for Living and not existing skills. Help to exchange darkness for light and Invisibility for a place in Society where relationships, friendships and daily living is with those who can appreciate and enjoy the once Invisible Ones. No longer ignored, doorstepped, rejected and abandoned. Over time, the Invisible Ones can learn these blessing really are real. This has led me to examine my own behavior. When I write, as in all my articles, I am talking vigorously to MYSELF. I hope the reader, especially if they are in the counseling profession, will not feel I am seeking to point a finger. I try to hone my skills by self-examination and by what I have seen and proved has worked for me. My musings are not shared as the solution for anyone else, but for perhaps a different aspect or view of a topic often taken for granted and equally forgotten for the same reason. If we all followed the same theory, then an across-the-board approach could be written in one book. There would be no need for therapists except to clarify what is written. A One-fits-all cure would result. ("cure" being relative!). Since we are NOT all the same and cannot possibly "fit" into the same mold, ( what a hey day for clothes manufacturers were it so!), I have learned from so many different people. I have observed what has and hasn't worked for them in their approach and interactions with clients. Maybe a point or two can be learned from my findings, and if so, in this case, we can better help our courageous survivors restore themselves to a place of Visibility and value to themselves and us. Goessoftly. 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